I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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