I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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