dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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