YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
