before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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