It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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