turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize