THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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