I am puke
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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