Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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