why didn't you poke me back
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
