saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
