I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
