the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
