He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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