DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
