I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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