I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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