So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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