someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
