at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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