Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
