I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
