The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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