Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
