Betty ford says i'm here all night
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
