No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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