I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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