I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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