Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
