We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
