So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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