Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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