Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize