I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
