Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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