im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
