Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
