No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
