I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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