Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
