Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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