so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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