This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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