Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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