I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
