Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Randomize
