Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
