There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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