Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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