it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
