he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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