come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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