I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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