i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
