He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
