I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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