Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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