It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
don't judge my taste in strippers
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
