worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm always down for nudity.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
