I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
