I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
