I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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