I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
