I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize