my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize