I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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