I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my being single is dangerous.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
