Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
