3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
