Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
