this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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