1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
