Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
