I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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