I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
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...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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