i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i've created a new STD.
50% drunk capacity currently
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
