pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
